


i can't face this life alone

by cloudcjty



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Aka Jim didn't give Freddie his ring when he did IRL, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Freddie is stubborn, He is sober for almost the entire work, I wrote this for my friend Florence, It's implied that Freddie was heavily drinking before the fic begins, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Relationship Problems, Save Me by Queen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-10-04 19:03:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17310179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudcjty/pseuds/cloudcjty
Summary: Freddie and Jim have been arguing for too long, and Freddie doesn't even remember why. It's only until Jim confronts him that he recalls what started it, and can't believe that he hasn't apologized.Or, Freddie and Jim are stubborn and in love.





	i can't face this life alone

Freddie stumbled onto the piano bench, steadily placing his glass onto the instrument. He would never do it sober, wouldn’t let a ring form into the wood and discolor it, wouldn’t let anything dare to ruin the tone, but he was too upset, too drunk, too out of it to care. It was his fifth day without Jim in Garden Lodge, and he didn’t know how much longer that he could handle it. He stomped his foot down onto the sustaining pedal, still sober enough to recognize that as a bad decision, then took another swig from his glass, emptying it and sitting it down to the floor. Quietly, he began to sort out chords, to play random notes, play around with keys of songs, until he settled onto what he needed. The piano was a form of therapy, and by God, he needed it.

_It started off so well_

Freddie can’t help but think back so many years ago when he had run-in after run-in with Jim but hadn’t gained the nerve to speak to him until their third meeting. So flustered by him that he could hardly muster out a pickup line, Freddie had asked him the size of his dick, which, if either of them weren’t drinking, Freddie would never have gotten as far as he did.

Freddie had his fair share of mistakes, most notably the two times when he had been caught cheating. He wasn’t proud of those moments, of course, but looking back he could laugh and wonder how stupid that he must have been to not spend that time with his true love.

Through the countless nights of Jim swinging Freddie around on the dancefloors of discotheques, from their dancing and protective grasps, there was always the hidden end goal. Freddie wanted someone to call his own far more than he wanted someone whom he could go out to party with. Jim was much quieter than Freddie, and he didn’t even know who _Freddie Mercury_ was until they had met. It was obvious from the get-go that Jim wasn’t in it for the money, nor would he ever be. Recently, Freddie had figured out how much that Jim was making when they were together, and compared it to the Christmas gifts that he gave him. Jim was wasting over half his wages on clothes that Freddie would only wear once, and that was if he’d even liked them.

Freddie had spent so long trying to find someone who loved him with the same compassion that he felt. He was thirty-eight when he had met Jim at Heaven. There was an overwhelming fear of being alone, staying lonely for the rest of his life, so Freddie had filled his life with cats and affairs until he had met Jim. Of course, the cats had stayed, but Freddie felt a sense of reassurance when he could come home, crawl into bed, and know that Jim would always be right there beside him.

_Said we’d made a perfect pair_

_Clothed myself in your glory and your love_

_How I loved you, how I cried_

It was one argument that had turned into ten. From a sly remark that was usually met with laughs being met with glares, from a disagreement turning into separate bedrooms; Freddie was in pain. He couldn’t leave Jim, there was no way possible, but they had both become stubborn, and Freddie leaving for the tour had divided them even worse.

_“Should I call him?” Freddie asked Brian, reclining back onto a shitty bed in Brian’s hotel room, ranting to Brian, Roger watching and rolling his eyes from the doorway. “Or will I sound too pathetic?”_

_“You’re on tour, Fred, you haven’t seen him in weeks. It’s the least that you can do. The last time you checked in on him was Sunday. It’s Wednesday.”_

_“I don’t want to cause another argument,” Freddie sighed, reluctantly motioning to Brian to hand him the phone. “Hell, I can’t even remember why we’re mad at each other in the first place.”_

Their love life had turned into a game of kiss and makeup, Freddie muttering some ridiculous argument under his breath to Jim over phones, Jim disagreeing, Freddie flying Jim out to the band’s location, then fumbling around in bed together until they would forget their names.

_The years of care and loyalty_

_Were nothing but a sham it seems_

_The years belie we lived a lie_

Freddie had come home from tour a week ago, and it had marked two months since their petty arguments had started. Jim had decided himself to move out for a bit, to stay in London with a friend, and Freddie had known how large of a mistake that he had made.

**We weren’t arguing all the time,** Freddie thought to himself, remembering that those two months weren’t as bad as he had made it seem. Jim had enjoyed his time touring with Queen, had grown to love the surprise of being flown out to a random date. Would it be Paris next? Milan? Their apologies had grown sincerer, their love had grown to withstand distance and fighting, but what was the use if it was all going to fizzle away.

Freddie’s mind still ran wild with thoughts of Jim, playing his piano well into the evening, sobering up and not bothering to pour another glass, just cycling through every sad song that he knew.

Freddie heard a knock on the door behind him, a quiet, cautious knock that made his hands raise from the keys and slow his body. “Yes?” he was tentative, knowing that neither Phoebe or Joe would be awake at this hour. Mary had a house key as well, but she was off on holiday, leaving only one suspect responsible for the knocking.

“I need to talk to you,” Freddie straddled the bench, his body facing horizontal towards the door, but his head turned towards. He would be lying if he didn’t already know that it was Jim standing there, but it had taken him off guard. “I’m tired of you fighting with me.”

“Come on, then. Let’s talk about this.” Freddie wanted to turn back to the piano so badly, to pull a petty move and play some angsty song, pretending that Jim wasn’t right behind him, but he knew that there was no use to that, that they were too deep into disagreements that Jim would walk out forever if he decided to play games.

“Why are you so mad at me?” Jim sat down onto the piano bench, resting his elbow onto the keys, knowing Freddie was cringing by that action, yet keeping his pose. “Do you even remember why you are?”

“No,” Freddie pursed his lips, biting back his tongue. “But it is probably because you’re some sort of Irish wit-”

“Stop, Freddie,” Jim rolled his eyes, sighing and looking out the window, the sun getting ready to rise. “This is all because you wouldn’t travel back home with me.”

Freddie started to remember that argument, on how he was too busy to go to Ireland, too rushed with working on a new album and planning a tour too, unable to fly there for just a weekend. There was also the added stress of running into or even having to meet Jim’s family, which although Jim had assured Freddie that he wasn’t taking him to meet his parents, Freddie was still mortified by the sheer thought of it.

“I told you that I’m uncomfortable by the thought of having to see your family. I tell you that time and time again and you just never will budge on it.”

“Freddie, I wasn’t even going to take you near their side of town. We were going to stay at a hotel, you never even let me explain that part.” 

  
“Well, what’s the use of a vacation if you’re just going to be cooped up inside of a hotel the entire time? I can sleep in our own bed here. It’s queen sized and stuffed with feathers, thank you.”

“I was going to take you to where I used to hangout growing up, I was going to make it special,” Jim couldn’t help but want to tell Freddie his true intention. He still wanted to take Freddie, for it to happen there, but there was no use at that point. He’d been nervous for weeks, for days before even bringing up the idea to Freddie. This seemed special too, being in the piano room, at dawn, getting over a fight. There was no use in trying to sway Freddie’s mind. He could do what he would in Ireland anywhere. And anywhere just so happened to be here. “Freddie, I was going to propose there.”

Freddie takes his eyes off of the piano, finally meeting Jim’s gaze. “You were… You were going to do what?” He swallowed hard, wishing that his glass was full. “You were going to propose to me… Jim, darling, I’m so sorry. Forget what I said, I-” Freddie rest his head into his hands. “Oh my God, I don’t know what I was thinking. You were trying to surprise me and I just damn well ruined it.”

“It really isn’t that big of a deal now-”

“Yes, it was, and it still bloody is! You obviously love me enough to want to marry me, and I’ve been pulling petty fights for the past _two months_ just to rile you up. I just hope that you don’t doubt that I feel the same way.” Freddie finally lifted his head from his hands, barely able to look to Jim. For the first time, Freddie could say that he was genuinely mortified, appalled by his ill-thought decisions. There was the man, who he loved just as much as the world itself, wanting to marry him. “I suppose that you have pawned the ring already, haven’t you?”

“I have it with me,” Jim nervously picked at his thumb. “I was here to clear things up, and to also, you know, ask you.”

“Well, then,” Freddie cleared his throat and reluctantly grabbed Jim’s hand, still feeling horrible. “Just… Just do it here.”

“I had planned on that anyway,” Jim laughed to himself. “I actually never planned what it was that I was even going to say to you, to be quite honest.”

“See! If we would have gone then it wouldn’t have been _that_ romantic,” Freddie smiled, hoping that he was far enough into Jim’s good graces that his joke was funny.

“I just want you to know that I love you, Freddie, I really, really do. I wouldn’t come back and do this for anyone but you, and I’m starting to wonder why you even deserve it,” Jim joked back to him, and they shared a smile.

“Let me see the ring, you know that I like expensive things,” Freddie rubbed Jim’s pocket, tapping the ring box with his fingers.

Jim opened the box, taking out the ring and shining it under the light of the chandelier above them. “It’s gold, that’s how you know it’s worth something.”

“Can I try it on?”

“Of course you can, it’s yours.” Jim took the ring between his fingers and slid it onto Freddie’s, his hand already outstretched. As Jim pushed the ring down to where Freddie’s finger met his knuckle, Freddie grew a smile that was only reserved towards Jim, his smile that was wide, showing off all of his teeth, his lips curling into his gums. He was happy, genuinely happy for the first time in weeks. Not even the fans that surrounded him on tour or his bandmates that he had known for ages were able to make him as happy as he felt when he knew that he could be loved.

“It’s beautiful,” Freddie bent his finger, then straightened it, then bent it again. “Now you’re my husband, I want for it to always be this way.

“It will be, I promise,” Jim smiled, wrapping his arm around Freddie and pulling him closer. “Unless you pull an argument like this again, then I assure you that it won’t be.”

“I can’t make any promises,” Freddie laughed, but they both knew that things would never reach the level that they did again. It wasn’t any fun fighting. Perhaps it had been back before they were monogamous, or before they had both moved into Garden Lodge, but now it wasn’t, Freddie was ready to try and settle down, to be at peace. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Their arms stayed wrapped around each other, still a mess of happiness and anger towards themselves for being so childish. But they were content, they were a couple again, and now they were going to be together for the rest of forever.

_I’ll love you, ‘till I die._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If you liked it, leave a kudos! And, I wrote this for my friend, so please give her a follow! She's @mercuryhutton on Twitter :-)


End file.
